Five Ways to Kill: RWBY Fans
by Blackwolf249
Summary: RWBY's fanbase has left a bad taste in the mouths of many, including myself. It's time someone did something about it... Rated T for violence


**Sorry this installment of Five Ways to Kill took this long to make, as it's been a hectic time. Not helped by the fact that TWO of my friends got banned from DeviantArt!**

**Hopefully, you'll enjoy this new installment.**

**Disclaimer: All characters are owned by their respective companies. My OCs are owned by me.**

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Hello, you know who it is! Welcome back to _Five Ways to Kill!_ Now that I'm back in full force, it's time to get to some more killing. So, let's fire up the randomizer and see who's entered the Circle of Death…

The Randomizer activates; when it stops, the monitor reveals that it landed on…

_RWBY_.

The crowd, this time consisting of former _RWBY _and Rooster Teath fans, starts booing at the monitor.

Finally, I've been waiting for this moment. Unleash your anger, for today, let's talk about _RWBY_.

Originally, Monty Oum's dream project over the course of several years, it slowly decreased in quality, until it was nothing more than a badly written, inconsistent, and amateurish hollow shell of its former self.

However, like with Twilight, I won't be directly attacking the series. Instead, I will be killing the show's rabid fans and the overly persistent "Bumblebee shippers". In a sense, by catering, or should I say pandering, to these "shippers" and SJWs, they were inadvertently responsible for the failures of Volumes 5 and 6. Seriously, the pairing during the final battle with Adam Taurus resulted in the second Rooster Teeth fan exodus.

So now without further ado, it's time to punish these self-absorbed, hair-triggered tempered brats for causing _RWBY_'s derailment as we reveal the five ways to kill them.

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**Number 5: Gwen, the Bee's Knees**

*An abandoned bee farm on the outskirts of Bellwod*

A Bumblebee "shipper" is seen glowering at **Gwen Tennyson**.

"You know, _RWBY _would have been better off without these stupid shipping wars."

"YOU MOTHERF**KER! BUMBLEBEE IS THE BEST SHIP EVER! HOW DARE YOU NOT LIKE IT!?"

Gwen scowls at the "shipper".

"That's it! Why don't you buzz off?"

She turns to see a beehive and smirks.

"Speaking of 'buzzing off'…"

Gwen levitates the beehive and hurls it at the "shipper", releasing the bees, who proceed to sting her to death.

"Now that felt good."*

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**Number 4: Caulifla's Fury!**

*The Wastelands of Universe 6*

A _RWBY_ fanboy is seen praying.

"God, smite down all those who hate _RWBY_."

Suddenly, he was hit in the back of the head with a rock.

"AAGH! Who threw that?"

He turns around and standing before him is **Caulifla, The Punk Sayian of Universe 6**.

"I did. You've got some serious problems if you're wishing for your so-called "God" to kill people who don't like your show. I'm afraid I'm doing to have to put an end to your pathetic ways.

Caulifla charges a ball of energy into her hand and fires it, blowing the fanboy's head to pieces.

"Tough luck, fanbrat. Us-2, Fangirls- Zip oh dee do Dah"*

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**Number 3: Assault and Battery**

*NUK3TOWN*

A group of _RWBY_ fangirls are holding several signs including Pro-_RWBY _and Anti-_Call Of Duty_ signs. Standing before them is **Erin 'Battery' Baker**.

"How dare you try to force your opinions of _RWBY_ on others. That show sucks. You suck. Now it's time for you bitches to say your prayers 'cause I'm not holding back!"

Erin pulls out her grenade launcher, the War Machine and launches a volley of grenades, blowing the fangirls to pieces.

"Now that… was a good kill. At this point, Rooster Teeth deserves this level of humiliation."

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**Number 2:** **Phosphora's Mega-Electrocution Wrath!**

*Viridi's Garden in Angel Land*

A group of Bumblebee shippers are blowing raspberries and making silly faces at **Viridi, Goddess of Nature**… only for her to start laughing at them.

"You monkeys know how to crack us gods up! But, back to the point, your taste of cartoons SUCKS! I can't believe how oblivious you are to how much of a train wreck _RWBY_ has become…. PHOSPHORA!"

Suddenly, **Phosphora, the Bringer of Lightning**, appeared above Viridi.

"Yes, you called?"

Viridi nodded.

"Yes, I did. Now… fry those monkeys!"

Phosphora smiled.

"As you wish."

Phosphora sent down a massive bolt of lightning directly hitting the "Shippers". The shippers jitter and scream until a few seconds later, when they collapse and die.

"Booyah! Nice shot, Phosphora."

Phosphora giggled.

"Thanks. They should be thankful that I made their suffering brief because I'm pretty sure Hades won't be as merciful."*

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Okay, before we get to number one, let's have a recap of the four previous kills…

**5\. Stung to death by bees. (Courtesy of Gwen)**

**4\. Decapitated by a Ki blast from Caulifla**

**3\. Blown up by Battery**

**2\. Electrocuted by Phosphora**

And now the moment you've all been waiting for; here's the number one way to kill the _RWBY_ fangirls and Bumblebee shippers!

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**Number 1:** **Ride-by Shooting**

*The Grand Canyon*

A group of seven _RWBY_ fans, one male and six female, are seen wandering through the canyon, when suddenly, they hear the sound of galloping hooves. They turn and pale as the source of the sound approaches them…

A black Clydesdale with fiery hooves, glowing, orange eyes, and an armored gunmetal saddle.

Mounted on the horse was a woman who looked to be in her early 30s with short, silver hair and urainan blue eyes. Her attire consisted of a black leather jacket with a red hoodie underneath. She also wore a red scarf around her neck as well as dark gray jeans, black boots, and metal shin guards, one of them had a skull on the knee.

But there were three striking features:

First, both of her forearms were covered with a pair of gauntlets. One of the gauntlets had had a skull, while the other resembled a demonic face.

Next, there were two firearms on her person: holstered on her back was an engraved AK-107 Assault Rifle, on her hip was a Mark 19 Desert Eagle handgun.

But what really on her back; it was a MASSIVE Broadsword. It had a tattered cloth wrapped around the handle and demonic faces on the blade.

Suddenly, the hooded woman unholstered the AK and fired into the group, killing nearly all of them… except for the one male fan. She holstered her rifle, pulled out her Desert Eagle and shot his hamstrings.

As the woman cocked her pistol, the fan turned and swallowed.*

"Who the hell are you?"

The woman smiled.

"I'm **Lauren Parker, the Red Horsewoman**, and I'm going after the rest of you hair-trigger tempered brats."*

The fanboy screeched as Lauren aimed and pulled the trigger…

BANG!

The bullet goes right through the poor fanboy's skull, ending his life.

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And that's it for Five Ways to Kill the _RWBY _fanboys and Bumblebee shippers! I would like to thank Viridi, Gwen Tennyson, Lauren Parker, Battery (a.k.a. Erin Baker), Phosphora, and Caulifla for their participation in this episode. You've all got your Kill Trophies, so now, is there anything you want to say before this episode ends.

"Yup. _RWBY _is not the masterpiece those monkeys claim it is."

"Hey!"

Sorry Caulifla.

"It's fine. But Viridi's right. Rooster Teeth should know when to call it a day."

"She's right. Those fans need to learn to keep their mouths shut."

"I agree Baker. On that note, stay away from _RWBY _at all costs. If you want to see a series done right, watch the animated _Castlevania_ series instead."

"Yeah, watch those shows instead and stop adding fuel to Rooster Teeth's garbage fire."

Well, if that's all you have to say, then that concludes this installment of Five Ways to Kill! I'll see you next time, but until then, this is Zachary Shields, signing off.

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**Authors/Notes and Trivia**

**-The first kill was a copy of the first kill from Shadsilvson11's video "Five Ways to Kill MariotehPlumber"**

**-Caulifla's kill has two references in it: The first is the death itself, which is a reference to the Comedic Horror movie_, Chopping Mall_. The second is a reference to the special episode of _The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius _entitled, _Win, Lose, or Kaboom__._**

**_-_The fourth kill is basically the fourth kill from GSTSuperworld87's video "Five Ways to Kill- Jonas Bros. Fanboys".**

-**The one-liner that Lauren used before she put the bullet into the fanboy's head was paraphrased from the Earl of Ego himself, Duke Nukem.**

Stay tuned for the next installment. Any positive feedback is appreciated.


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